A Life Of Cyn

I Fall to Pieces

Not to be dramatic (commence being very dramatic), but I think I’ve been going through a bit of a mid-life crisis. I hope I’m not actually in the middle of my life (62 is definitely under the average, right?), and like, objectively, I’m not old (despite what some of you whipper-snappers might think). Even so, I’ve been coming back, again and again, to the crushing realization that my body is deteriorating and I am slipping out of my prime.

This started about two weeks ago, when Jamie and I went to a local showing of Brit Rock IV (like Reel Rock, but British). It featured films about 450 km sea kayak approaches to alpine big wall climbs in Greenland, spicy trad lines in the UK, and the harrowing tales of Scottish winter climbing. The films were good fun, if not a little stressful (sweaty palms galore), but they also planted small seeds of doubt that turned into big tears as we talked home from the theater. Can I still have adventures like that (well, maybe not just like that, but similar)? Can I still have Type 2 (verging on Type 3) fun? Am I satisfied with whatever my physical limits are now?

It feels defeatist to say, but I’m starting to think the answers might be… no. 

Co-instructors, Wyatt and Ben, getting cozy at this year's Holiday Staff Party

As you know, I’ve been recovering from a hamstring injury since August. I recently went to see my physio again because of some new pain I’ve been experiencing, and long story short, I have a tear in the meniscus on my left knee (which probably happened during the hamstring-incident, but I didn’t notice because I was dealing with the hamstring). 

Meniscus tears are not likely to heal without surgery, which makes this Baby’s First permanent injury. My physio suspects the tear is inflamed at the moment (maybe due to me restarting parkour?), but once it calms down again I shouldn’t experience much discomfort from it. He assures me that this kind of tear is common (he’s had one for the last few years) and will probably not interfere significantly with my life, though it is unclear what he means by “significant.” 

You don't need both knees to swing!

This permanent injury has made me reflect on the other major injuries that I’ve suffered. I’ve been fairly healthy and limber for most of my climbing years, but between the hamstring/knee this summer, the shoulder subluxation of May 2021, and the great ankle sprain of October 2020, I’ve had a season-ending injury every year for the last three. I feel like that scene in Spongebob, where Spongebob and Patrick are frantically trying to keep a melting wax sculpture of Squidward together and failing miserably at it. My body is falling apart faster than I can put it back together, and yes, I’m already doing the prehab/rehab exercises that you saw on Hooper’s Beta. 

Jamie, too, has been the victim of yearly injuries in the same time frame, so it’s got me thinking about whether there might be something else going on, other than us getting old (and we’re not even old!). 

A lot has changed for us over the last three years, but the biggest changes I can think of are that we have significantly ramped up our training, made major relocations, and been more vegan than we ever have. 

Carrot Pie from Joshua McFadden's Six Seasons Cookbook

I’m definitely not saying (yet) that being vegan has made us more prone to injury. It is likely the combination of increased intense activity and poor form and no rest weeks and sleeping in a van for six months and moving to a new country and probably Covid, coupled with the possibility that we haven’t been getting enough of some nutrient(s) from our mostly-vegan diet. 

But if we’re talking about how to move forward, we obviously want to keep training and being Canadian, so… we’ve made the (weirdly difficult) decision to eat dairy and fish again. 

Not that I was strictly vegan in the first place...

Part of me feels like I’m losing a piece of my identity; part of me feels guilty for choosing to increase my environmental footprint (though I did find a good source for sustainably caught fish!); part of me feels embarrassed and afraid that everyone will think less of me now that I don’t have this inconvenient dietary restriction to work around (even though I still have a moderately inconvenient dietary restriction). I also know I’ll feel incredibly dumb if it turns out that being vegan did make my joints weaker somehow, like I’d done this to myself (and Jamie), but I know I’ll feel even more dumb if that is what’s happening and I didn’t do anything to change it. Or maybe we’ll try this for a while and see that being vegan doesn’t have anything to do with the injuries and I’ll go back to my beans. Other than my (admittedly unreasonable) anxieties about the switch, it seems like a fairly low-cost experiment (and to be honest, I’m pretty excited about eating more sushi). 

Seitan Char Siu Bao with Stir-Fried Chinese Broccoli

Otherwise, things are going pretty well. I was just promoted to Head Instructor at my climbing gym (climbin’ that corporate ladder), and the weather has been so unseasonably dry that we were able to go outside TWICE in November. 

Happy Holidays, my frands. Wishing you big sends, rest, nourishment, and peace of mind this season, and always. 

XOXO